


You're in My Veins

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [21]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brothers, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Inexperienced Spock, Loving Jim, M/M, ObliviousJim, PiningSpock, Reconnecting Family, Slightly Cad Jim, Starfleet Academy, Vulcan Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11096472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Spock meets Jim Kirk one night at a local bar while he waits for a friend.  To Spock’s surprise, they end up becoming friends. As their friendship deepens, Spock becomes romantically enamored with Jim, but Jim is firmly in the friendship zone. He’s a flirtatious commitment-phobe who avoids intimacy (he refuses to even kiss his sexual partners). In short the absolute worse person for a Vulcan to fall in love with.





	1. A Meeting

“Come on, kiss me,” the female Human whined. For the fifth time by Spock’s calculations. The couple next to him were becoming rather…tiresome.

“I don’t kiss,” the cadet male responded. Again.

“But why?”

Cadet James Kirk, as Spock was familiar with him, shrugged. “It’s just not my thing. I’m not into it.”

“But you’re just fine having sex with me.” She pouted. “Is that it?”

Kirk smiled a little “Yeah, that’s it.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You are _such_ a jerk!” She slammed her empty glass on the bar and stalked off.

Kirk’s smile widened as he seemed to notice Spock for the first time. “Hey. Professor Spock, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to make you a part of our conversation.”

“Your girlfriend did seem to be displeased with you.”

“Yeah, only she’s not. My girlfriend that is.”

Spock inclined his head. “I gathered that by the way she departed.”

Kirk laughed. “No. I mean, well, yeah, I think she was dismissing me for sure. I just meant she was never really my girlfriend.” He paused. “And why am I even bothering you with this? It’s not like you care. Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a bar before.”

Spock nodded. “You are correct, Cadet. I was supposed to be meeting someone here. I surmise she is not going to appear.”

“That sucks. And it’s Jim. Jim Kirk. I mean we’re not even on campus right now.” Kirk leaned a little toward Spock. “Were you supposed to meet Uhura?”

“How did you know that?”

Kirk shrugged. “I’ve seen you with her.”

“As a matter of fact, I was meeting her. But it is clear something came up. We were supposed to go have tea.”

“Why didn’t you just meet her there?”

“It is a new shop that she is unfamiliar with and this establishment is close to her part time job.” Spock entered a message into his tablet and sent it to her. They would have to reschedule. He glanced at Kirk. “Would you be interested in accompanying me for tea?”

“Me?”

“It is only a thought,” Spock replied. “Perhaps you do not even care for tea.”

“Actually I really haven’t had much. Sure. Why not? Obviously my night isn’t going to end the way I hoped it would.” He slid off the bar stool and followed Spock from the bar.

Kirk shoved his hands into the pockets of his battered leather bomber jacket. Spock could not deny it looked good on him. As did the dark blue denim jeans he wore.

It was only a short two block walk from the drinking establishment to the tea shop where Spock intended to go.  Not one for small talk, he said nothing along the way.

He allowed Kirk to enter the shop ahead of him.

“How about that table there?” Kirk asked, pointing to a table for two by a side window.

“That is acceptable. What kind of tea would you like?” Spock asked. “If you will have a seat, I will get the tea at the counter.”

“Surprise me,” Kirk said with a smile that definitely made Spock’s heart flutter illogically.

When Spock brought the pot of tea and two cups over to the table, Kirk had just been typing something into a small communication device. He put it away upon Spock’s approach.

“I chose Lapsang.”

“Smells like smoke,” Kirk commented.

“It has smoky elements.”

Kirk leaned back in his chair. “Look at me. Learning about tea and culture.”

Spock arched a brow. “The culture of tea perhaps.”

He laughed. “Probably all the culture I can handle. So. Your test.”

Spock poured the steeped tea into the two cups. “You refer to the Kobayashi Maru?”

“Sure do.”

“It is Starfleet’s test.”

“Semantics. I’ve taken it twice.”

Spock nodded. “I am aware. And failed both times.”

“Ouch.”

“The purpose of the test is not to defeat it. It is to learn how you will face death.”

“Hmm. I hate to lose. So you’re telling me if I took it a third time, I’d probably fail again.”

“You are looking at it incorrectly. There is no way to rescue the ships under attack.”

Kirk sipped his tea. Made a slight face, then took another. “Weird, but not bad. What if I re-programmed the test?”

“You would likely face charges for cheating.”

Kirk laughed again. “You don’t beat around the bush.”

“I am uncertain as to the meaning of that statement.”

“Just a stupid old earth saying. So, pretty much, isn’t the test itself a cheat?” Kirk took another sip. “I thought about it. I know another cadet, she’s Orion. She knows a lot about the systems the Academy uses. “

“You intend to coerce her to use illicit means to pass the test?”

“Well, obviously not since I am telling you about it.” Kirk shook his head. “Geez, Spock. I’m not that stupid.”

“Orions are dangerous,” Spock thought to say.

“The pheromones, yeah. But she wears one of those inhibitor bracelets. That’s how she got accepted into the academy. Anyway, I guess I’ll withdraw my interest in taking it a third time.”

Spock inclined his head. “It might be wise.”

“It’s still bullshit by the way. Uhura. Is she your girlfriend?”

Spock was slightly startled by the change in subject. “Negative. We are friends only.”

“Why didn’t she show up?”

Spock had checked his messages while waiting for the pot of tea. “Her shift at the department store ran longer than she anticipated. We have rescheduled.”

“Fortuitous for me then.”

“How so?”

Kirk shook his head. “I could use another friend. Don’t you want to be my friend, Spock?”

Inexplicably, Spock found he did want Kirk as his friend. They clearly had little in common and yet…

“Yes, I do want to be your friend, Jim.”

Kirk winked. “Excellent. Tell me about Vulcans.”


	2. What Takes Priority

Kirk was standing outside the movie theater next to another human male. Both of them were still wearing their red cadet uniforms and Spock recognized the other male as Leonard McCoy. He’d already had his medical license when he joined the academy. Spock had been aware that he shared a friendship with Kirk.

“Good evening,” Spock said, stopping before them.

Kirk flashed him a smile. “Spock! There you are.”

“I am exactly on time.”

That earned him a laugh, which, admittedly, was very appealing. “I expected nothing less. Spock, this is my friend, Leonard McCoy. Bones, this is Spock.”

“Pleasure,” McCoy said, sticking his hand out toward Spock.

“No, Bones.” Kirk laughed again. “No handshakes, remember? Vulcans.”

“Oh, right. I knew that. Momentary lapse.”

“Doctor,” Spock said by way of greeting. “What is his name? Leonard or Bones?”

“Both,” Kirk said. “Bones is my pet name for him.”

“He is your pet?”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “He’s hilarious, this one. Are we going into see the movie or what?”

“Yeah. Oh, hey, Spock, hope you don’t mind me inviting Bones to the movie. I mentioned we were going and he said he wanted to see this movie, so…” He shrugged.

“It is acceptable.”

“Well, gee.” McCoy went up to the ticket window.

Kirk smiled at Spock. “It’s great, yeah? The guys all going out together.”

“Indeed,” Spock agreed, because he supposed it was expected of him. And it was not as though he thought the movie was a date. Kirk had certainly not presented it as such. He’d been vaguely surprised by the invitation. He didn’t recall anyone ever inviting him out to see a movie before. And that included Nyota.

In fact, when he said this to her over tea, she’d given him a look of surprise.

_“Well, I just never thought about it, Spock,” Nyota said. “I didn’t really think you were the movie going type. Most of them are really stupid or unrealistic and you generally don’t like crowds.”_

_“Acknowledged. But I admit to some curiosity.”_

_“If I had known that, we could have already gone.”_

_“It matters not, as I am attending with Jim.”_

_She shook her head then. “I don’t know what you see in that guy.”_

_“We are friends.”_

_“I know.” She stirred sweetener into her tea. “It’s just…he’s not the type I’d ever expect you to be friends with. You don’t have much in common with a guy like that.”_

_“Perhaps then I am broadening my horizons.”_

_She smiled. “I guess you are. Just be careful.”_

_He inclined his head. “I always endeavor to be so.”_

“Spock?” Kirk was waving his hand in front of Spock’s face. “You okay in there?”

Spock blinked. “My apologies. My mind was elsewhere.”

“I guess so.” He grinned. “Come on. I got our tickets. You want popcorn? Do you eat popcorn?”

“Provided it has no butter on it, yes.”

“Fantastic. The fake butter they put on it is gross anyway.” He grabbed Spock’s arm. “Let’s catch up with Bones. He’s already waiting in line at the concession stand.”

“I will purchase the popcorn since you bought our tickets,” Spock said.

“Sounds great.”

The doctor bought a soda and a small package of chocolate candies of some sort while Spock bought a large popcorn that Kirk declared they could all share.

Kirk sat between them in the movie, holding the popcorn. The movie was, according to Kirk, supposed to be a comedy. And judging by the way the blue-eyed Human next to him laughed with glee throughout, he definitely enjoyed it. The humor was, admittedly, mostly lost on Spock. And he found his attention more often than not on Kirk rather than the inane banter of the movie.

“Oh my God, that was so funny,” Kirk declared as they exited the theater. He slapped the doctor on the back as he said so. Spock noticed that Kirk was into touching everything and everyone around him. He was certain he had never come across anyone like Kirk before.

“It was pretty funny,” the doctor agreed with a small smile.

Kirk turned to Spock then, putting his hand on Spock’s shoulder. “How about you, Spock? Did you enjoy it?”

“The humor was somewhat elusive to me.”

Kirk laughed at that, for some reason. But whatever the reason, Spock didn’t mind. He had a rich, joyous laugh.

“Next time I’ll pick a drama or something,” Kirk assured him. As they exited the theater complex, Kirk suddenly stopped walking. “Holy shit.”

“What now?” McCoy asked.

Spock glanced to where Kirk looked. A young, brunette female dressed in a red mini skirt and a bare-midriff top was openly staring back at him. She made no effort to hide what her thoughts were.

Kirk’s tongue dipped out to trace over his lips. “Uh, guys.”

“Oh, I know. You want to go with that girl,” McCoy said, with a heavy sigh.

“Well.” He grinned. Then he turned to Spock, looking a little sheepish. “Say, um, we have sort of a friend’s rule.”

“A friend’s rule?”

“Yeah, basically when Jim sees someone he wants to fuck, he takes off,” the doctor interjected.

“Bones.” Kirk laughed. “Uh. But, sort of. Only any one of us. If we’re out being buddies and you see someone you’re interested in, you’re free to leave in pursuit of that person.”

Spock tried not to be affronted. He was a little though. “I see.”

Kirk was looking back at the female. Then he looked back to Spock. “I’m just going to take off.”

“Very well,” Spock replied. Because what else could he do?

“Sorry. We’ll talk tomorrow?”

Spock nodded but it wasn’t as though Kirk noticed as he was already moving away toward the female. Spock turned away.

“Don’t take it personal, Spock,” McCoy said. ”Getting laid is always a priority for Jim. Anyway, I’m going to head home.” He hesitated. “Unless there’s something you want me to do.”

“Negative, Doctor. I will make my way home as well.”

McCoy waved at him and left in the opposite direction Spock was going.

As Spock turned and headed in the direction of his own apartment he couldn’t help but hear Nyota’s voice in his head.

_It’s just…he’s not the type I’d ever expect you to be friends with. You don’t have much in common with a guy like that._

Perhaps she was right.


	3. Baseball

Spock looked up from his PADD as the Human approached. He was seated at a table in the cafeteria at the academy going over his lesson plan.

Kirk flashed Spock a smile and then set a drink container down in front of Spock. “It’s some Lapsang tea. A peace offering.” Kirk sat across from Spock. “Do you hate me?”

“Vulcans do not feel hate.”

“Okay. But that’s not really a denial. Exactly.” Kirk pushed the cup toward Spock, who had thus far ignored it. “Look, I know I was a jerk last night.”

“Yes.”

Kirk pulled at his lip with teeth. “You’re mad.”

“I do not have many friends, Cadet.”

“Uh-oh. Back to cadet.”

“I am very careful in the choice of friends,” Spock continued. “Last night you showed a lack of respect for me. How you treat Doctor McCoy and what _he_ tolerates with you is between you. Who you choose to copulate with is no concern of mine, however, when you are engaged in activities with me—”

“I get it,” Kirk interrupted. “It was shitty. It won’t happen again.” Once more he pushed the tea toward Spock.

This time Spock accepted it and took a little sip.

“What I should have done is just got her contact information and caught her later.”

“I was under the impression we were going to have dinner after the movie.”

“Yeah. The truth is…” Kirk looked away for a moment and then back at Spock. “I don’t have a lot of friends either.” He laughed a little. “And I know what you are thinking, it’s because I treat them like I treated you last night.”

Spock paused as he was about to take another sip. “I did not think that.”

Kirk gave him an easy smile. “Sure. I have like…like Bones. And as you can see, he pretty much lets me get away with whatever. Probably because he was used to the shitty way his ex-wife treated him. And then I have Mitchell and Finnegan. They’re assholes.”

“If they are unpleasant individuals, Jim, then why do you maintain a friendship with them?”

“Good question. Sucker for punishment?” His smile was uncertain this time and rather self-deprecating.

It seemed clear to Spock that Kirk needed better friends.

“Enough about all that.” Kirk leaned forward a little. “Look I have tickets to a baseball game. Want to come?”

Spock arched a brow. “Baseball?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I know. Probably not your thing. But it’ll be fun. We can sit there and cheer and drink beer and—”

“I do not drink beer.”

“Iced tea then. You can wear a foam finger.”

Spock stared at him. “A-a foam finger?”

“Come on. Please. I promise I’ll behave.”

Spock hesitated only a moment. Unfortunately for him, Kirk was way too appealing. He had to rein in his physical reactions to the blond. It was clear that Kirk was not attracted to him in the way he was attracted to Kirk.

“When is this game?”

Kirk’s smile was radiant. “Tomorrow night. You’ll come?”

Spock nodded. “I will.”

He slapped the table. “Sweet!”

****

Spock looked down at the giant foam finger Kirk had just purchased for him. “What is the purpose of this appendage?”

“You wear it and wave it during the game.” Kirk grabbed Spock’s arm and pulled him toward the entrance to their seats.

“Doctor McCoy did not wish to accompany us?”

“Only had two tickets and I asked you.” Kirk stopped next to two seats. “Okay. These are our seats.”

Spock eyed them. “There is not much room to them.”

“Yeah, we’ll kind of have to sit on top of each other.” Kirk gestured to them. “You sit and I’m going to get us some refreshments. You want iced tea, right?”

“Yes.” Spock sat on the seat. It was made of cement and quite uncomfortable.

While Kirk was away, Spock surveyed the crowd around them. He was the only Vulcan that he could see but he did see several other species of non-humans. Many others had the large foam fingers Kirk had insisted on.

He appeared at Spock’s side then, thrusting an iced tea at him. “Here. And I got you some popcorn, no butter. I got a hot dog. But, um, they don’t have veggie dogs, sorry.”

“That is quite all right. I do not eat any version of dogs.”

Kirk laughed as he squeezed in next to Spock. “Not canines, you know.”

If he had been fully human, Spock would have rolled his eyes. “I do know that, Jim.”

That brought forth another laugh. And once more Spock found himself having to remind himself that Kirk was only a friend and not a potential romantic partner.

“What is that?” he asked, pointing to a small carton Kirk had. He was taking a rather frothy sip of beer.

“Oh. A chocolate malt. Want some?”

Spock shook his head. “That would not be wise.”

“Oh. Dairy, right? You probably don’t eat it. Didn’t even think of that.” He held out his beer. “Want to try it? Wait. You aren’t allergic or anything, right?”

“I am not. It is just not something Vulcans indulge in.”

“So? Sip?”

He shrugged a little. “Very well.” He took the beer from Kirk and took the tiniest sip. He made a face.

“Oh my God.” Kirk took the beer back with a big smile. “I wish I had a picture of that. Hated it, didn’t you?’

“Well.”

“I know, I know. Vulcans don’t hate.”

Spock eyed the beer. “I think for that, I can make an exception.”

Kirk shook his head. “You are so funny, Spock. I never guessed.” He picked up his own foam finger and touched it to Spock’s. “This is going to be an awesome friendship.”

There was an announcement overhead that the game was about to start, so Spock turned his attention to the field, and tried to ignore the way he felt at having Kirk’s body pressed up against his.      


	4. Science

Spock observed Kirk arrive at the curb outside the science museum. He got out of a hover car driven by an attractive and shapely red-haired human female. He waved at her as she blew him a kiss and drove away.

Kirk turned toward Spock with a ready smile. He wore his cadet’s uniform and had a backpack slung over his shoulder. “Hey. Been waiting long?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Not so bad then.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Her? No. Um, her name is Emma. Or Emily. Something like that.” Kirk shrugged.

“You do not recall the names of your paramours?”

He laughed at that. “She’s not. She just gave me a ride. Never seen her before that.” Kirk looked up at the tall, glass front of the museum. “Pretty impressive.”

“If you do not care for science then—”

“No, I do.” Kirk headed for the entrance, Spock following close behind, handing over his credit chip to the woman at the door. “Two please.”

“Jim, that is unnecessary—”

Kirk smiled at the woman. “Thanks.” He shook his head at Spock and then gestured for him to go ahead of him. “It’s no big deal, Spock. For having to wait for me.”

“As you pointed out, it was not long. And the outing was my idea.”

“So, why do you assume I don’t like science?” Kirk asked as they headed toward the first exhibit. “Is it my handsome exterior and sparkling personality?”

Spock’s steps faltered. “I—”

He laughed. “I’m kidding. Anyway, mom’s a scientist. Chemical Engineer to be precise. My brother, Sam, is a physicist. Kind of in the family blood, I guess. That and command.” He flashed a grin. “Thanks to my dad.”

“Your father was George Kirk.”

“That’s right. Never knew him. Heard tons about him though.”

“I would like to hear about your family sometime.”

The ever present smile slipped a little. “There’s really not much to tell. I don’t really keep in touch with Mom or Sam.” He read the inscription in front of the exhibit and then turned back to Spock with his smile firmly in place. “Ready to move on?”

****

“How was your date?” Nyota asked Spock that evening as she sat in his living room sipping a glass of wine. She had removed her boots and tucked her bare legs and feet under her on the couch.

“It was not a date,” Spock replied, carrying in a tray of crackers and vegetable dip into the living room. He set it on the table in front of her and then took his seat in the chair beside her. He picked up his teacup.

“Sure, sure.” She dipped a cracker into the dip. “It certainly sounds like you’re dating Jim Kirk. Movies, baseball games, museums.”

“Are these also not the activities friends engage in together?”

Nyota took another sip. “Yeah, I guess so. But you _are_ attracted to Kirk.”

Spock resolved not to blush and he suspected he mostly managed it. “Perhaps but the attraction is not mutual.”

She sucked dip off her finger. “Probably just as well. He’s got a bad rep.”

“What sort of bad rep?”

She shrugged. “Well, you know. I told you before. Sleeps around. _A lot_. There was a rumor that his first year he got a bad case of the Xerian warts.”

“Xerian warts?”

“Who knows if that’s true? Just a rumor. Apparently though he never sleeps with anyone more than a couple of times. Won’t kiss ‘em either.”

“He did indicate that to me,” Spock admitted.

“Honestly, I’m not even sure he’s worthy of being your friend, Spock, let alone anything else. Sure, he’s good looking, but he sure as hell knows it. You’re of a higher caliber than he is.” Her communicator beeped. She flipped it open. “Uhura.”

Spock got up and left her to her conversation. He was never one to intrude on the privacy of others, even close friends like Nyota. He went into his kitchen and began to put the dishes he’d left out earlier in the day in the dish cleaner.

“Hey, Spock. Sorry, it turns out I have to go. There’s a bit of a disaster in the communications lab and—”

“To not concern yourself. It was merely a casual get-together. One of many.”

She smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You will.” He walked her to the door and after exchanging goodbyes, he collected her partially filled wine glass and returned it to the kitchen.

He’d been reading an important recently published paper on astrophysics when he doorbell rang. Spock rose from behind his terminal and went to his apartment door.

He was not, by nature, particularly cautious with unexpected visitors. Spock was quite capable of handling aggressive salesmen or those who wished to make a name for themselves by fighting a Vulcan. But in this instance, he peered through the eyehole out to the hallway beyond.

Spock opened the door. “Jim?”

Kirk fell into Spock’s arms. “Hiya.”

To say Kirk looked disheveled was an understatement. His hair was askew in all directions. His leather jacket was entirely off one arm. His skin was flushed red. Spock managed to get his apartment door closed.

“Jim? What has happened?”

Kirk tilted back to look at Spock. His blue eyes were dazed and his pupils blown very wide. “I’m really wasted.”

“I can surmise that for myself.”

“Don’t know waz happened,” Kirk slurred. “Was drinking but felt bad. Slip me someting? Knows. Felt wrong. So I left.”

Spock’s hold gentled on Kirk but then he started to slip so Spock’s grip firmed. “It is apparently a good thing you did.”

“Just knew I had to find you,” Kirk said, slumping. “Wasn’t sure where you lived but found it. Weird.”

“You need to lay down.” Spock scooped him up into his arms and headed for his bedroom. He was not sure why he didn’t just carry Kirk to his couch. He did not. And then he placed the drunk cadet on his bed. “Do you need medical attention?”

“Seep it off.” Kirk said, already closing his eyes.

Spock fetched a tricorder and used it to scan Kirk, whose eyes remained closed. Kirk suddenly started snoring. He lowered his tricorder and stared down at the human in his bed.

Staring so closely he noticed slight bruising under Kirk’s left eye. Before he could reconsider his own actions, Spock stroked his fingers lightly over it. He pulled back instantly when he realized the significance.

He leaned down and removed Kirk’s jacket from his other arm and picked it up to hang it from his coatrack in the living room. Next he pulled off Kirk’s shoes, noting that Kirk hadn’t bothered with socks. Then he ordered the lights off before leaving Kirk to sleep.

Apparently he was the one who would be spending the night on his couch.    


	5. Forging Ahead

Spock was working on his computer early the next morning when Jim stumbled out of Spock’s bedroom looking just as disheveled as he had the night before.

“Morning,” Jim mumbled.

“Good morning.”

Jim stood there, sort of staring blearily as he rubbed his hand across his face. “Listen. Um. How is it I’m here?”

“You do not recall?”

“No.” Jim shook his head. “Did we fuck?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Jim held up his hands. “Hey, it’s okay if we did. I mean, I don’t usually, but if you’re into—”

“We most certainly did not,” Spock said coldly.

“Oh.” Jim nodded, licking his lips. “Right. Sorry.”

“You apparently had some bad liquor, found yourself in trouble, and made your way to my apartment to sleep it off. Which you have, apparently, done.”

“I’m sorry. That was shitty of me to just show up here and expect you to help me.”

Spock shook his head. “It was not a problem.”

“Well. But we’re friends and I had no right to just, I don’t know, expect you to take care of me when I get shit-faced.” Jim sighed. “So far in our friendship I haven’t made a very good impression.”

“You have a black-eye.”

Jim touched his face, his cheek just under the eye. “Yeah, I think someone socked me. I don’t really remember anything.”

“Alcohol often accounts for lapses in memory and judgment.”

Jim smiled a little. “Don’t I know it? But I don’t usually get hammered this bad.”

“You did indicate a possibility of someone slipping you something,” Spock replied.

He shrugged at that. “More likely I’m just an ass who drank too much. There was this girl there and she was really hot and I—”

“I do not need to hear the details,” Spock interrupted. He was thinking of the rumors Nyota had mentioned. He had no interest in hearing of the sexual conquests Jim had. Numerous though they were likely to be, according to Nyota.

“Gotcha. No problem. I didn’t mean to impose. I really have no idea why I’d come here to bug you.”

Spock considered as he leaned back. “I would have thought you’d have contacted the doctor.”

Jim smiled a little vaguely. “Yeah, me too. No offense. It’s just that I’ve known Bones a lot longer.”

“No offense is taken.”

For a minute or two Jim continued to stand in front of him looking rather out of it and confused. But then he shook his head and smiled. “Passed out in your bed, did I?”

“Affirmative. I slept on the couch.”

Jim’s gaze went to the sofa where Spock’s neatly folded blanket and pillow still rested. “God, I am sorry. Look, to make up for it, let’s go to breakfast. My treat.”

“I do not think—”

“Come on. You have to eat, right? And honestly I’m no cook or I’d just fix you something. Let me just, um, get a quick shower. I can’t stand my own smell.” Jim frowned. “Damn I don’t have any clothes to change into and these reek.”

Spock surveyed him. Part of him thought that a friendship between them was simply never going to work. They had too many differences. On the other hand, Spock was inexplicably drawn and attracted to Jim. Which carried its own problems. Jim was, to put it mildly, a player, Spock had seen that evidence with his own eyes. So anything more intimate between them was never going to happen. A friendship would be all that he could offer Jim and all that Jim could offer him.

As Jim’s friend, Spock supposed he ought to lend Jim clean clothes.

“Very well. I supposed I have something you can wear.”

Jim gave him a blinding smile. “Yeah? That would be sweet.”

Spock had no idea what would be sweet about it, but he moved past Jim and into his bedroom.

****

“How’s your waffle?” Jim demanded, his mouth full of half chewed eggs.

“Acceptable.” Spock took a sip from his black tea. “Is it not considered uncouth to speak with one’s mouth full of food?”

Jim closed his mouth and swallowed. He turned red. “Um. Yeah. Sorry.”

He had chosen a very crowded noisy restaurant for their breakfast that made Spock somewhat uncomfortable. He wasn’t particularly fond of large crowds. But Jim said he had chosen it both because one of the waitresses was “cute” and he thought they would have dishes that both of them could order.

Jim looked rather…obscene in Spock’s clothes to be truthful. The casual pants Spock had decided he could forfeit for the time being had fit Jim far too snugly since he was not as thin as Spock. He had never quite gotten the phrase about clothes being painted on someone until now. Fortunately the billowy sweater he had loaned Jim covered some of the indecency but Spock hadn’t failed to notice all the gawking Jim was getting as they had made their way to the restaurant.

“So, what do you plan to do for the semester break coming up?” Jim asked Spock, drawing his attention back to the Human.

“I have no plans at this time,” Spock replied.

“No? But it’s two weeks away from all this.”

Spock shrugged slightly. “I will likely go to Vulcan to visit my parents.”

“No wild and wicked holiday for you?”

At that he raised his brow. “Certainly not.”

Jim laughed at that. “Yeah. I guess you aren’t the wild and wicked type.”

“What are your plans then, Jim? Risa?”

The smile slipped from his face and Jim shook his head. “Nah. I’m sort of, um, barred from going there.”

“Barred?”

“Temporarily.” Jim stabbed at his eggs viciously. “I got into a bar fight there that pretty much ended up wrecking the establishment. I got detained.”

“Arrested,” Spock supplied.

“Not officially no.” Jim waved his fork and Spock dodged the flying egg bits. “Fortunately I’m kind of friendly with the governor’s—”

“Daughter.”

“Nope. Son. He wouldn’t let me anywhere near his daughter. But I knew his son from a regular card game I used to play whenever I was there. Anyway, he pulled some strings and my detainment was dismissed.”

Spock shook his head but said nothing.

“But I also had to agree not to go to Risa for a period of…” Jim paused and cleared his throat. “Two years.”

“Considering things, that was likely generous.”

“Maybe. But really, I didn’t even start that fight.”

Spock eyed him doubtfully.

Jim laughed and held up his hands. “Honestly.”

“Then what are you going to do for your leave?”

Jim took a bite of biscuit and to Spock’s relief he chewed and swallowed before speaking. “I don’t really have anything planned either. I had a few feelers out but they didn’t work out.”

“Nothing with Doctor McCoy?”

“He’s staying behind to study.” Jim grimaced. “He’s taking his courses very seriously.”

“Perhaps something you should consider.”

“I’m ahead on all my classes.”

Spock actually knew this as he had looked up Jim’s academic record. “Then perhaps you will return to your home for the break.”

Jim snorted. “Riverside? Hell no. Besides, trust me, they don’t want me there.”

“Why not?”

“They think I’m just as much of an asshole as you do, Spock.”

“I do not think you are an asshole, Jim.”

Jim grinned. “You’re funny. But really?”

“I do not.” Spock hesitated. He was likely going to regret this, but if he truly wanted to establish a friendship with Jim, then it might be the best course. “Why not accompany me to Vulcan?”

“Vulcan?” Jim’s eyes widened. “Yeah?”

“Certainly. My parents would be glad of the visit.” Or Spock though it likely, anyway. He probably should have asked first. But as he opened his mouth to say he would ask, he caught the slight hint of vulnerability in Jim’s eyes. He was trying not to look eager and failing.

“I’ve never been to Vulcan,” Jim said softly. “If you really think it would be okay, I’d love to come.”

“There are no women to seduce,” Spock warned him.

Jim smirked. “I’ll keep that in mind. And I’m about more than just sex you know.” He laughed at Spock’s expression. “I swear.”

“Very well. Then I can see no obstacle to us visiting Vulcan for two weeks.”

Other than officially informing Sarek and Amanda, of course.


	6. A Stumble

As the time approached that they were preparing to depart for Vulcan, Spock had decided inviting Jim Kirk to accompany him had been a mistake.

In the days leading up to the trip, to Spock’s knowledge, Jim had slept with no less than four females. Naturally without engaging in any kissing, as Jim had informed him, on more than one occasion now, that kissing was just too…much. Whatever that meant. And Spock was not particularly interested in pursuing that topic with Jim.

Jim’s behavior in that regard was not at all appealing or admirable, and yet Spock found himself to be continuously drawn to him. Which he had decided didn’t exactly paint himself well. In the past, Spock would find himself distancing himself from such a person, barely acknowledging his very existence.

What made Jim different?

He’d asked Nyota that very question that morning over tea and scones.

She’d wrinkled her nose and sighed. “Come on, Spock, don’t you know?”

“I would not have made the query if I did.”

“Remember? We talked about your attraction to him? You want to sleep with him, Spock. And therefore, you put up with a lot more from him then you would with someone you don’t.”

“Vulcans do not seek casual sexual partners.” Spock paused. “That being said I cannot deny I am drawn to him physically. I have acknowledged that to myself.”

“Well that’s a step forward anyway.”

“I do find myself wanting to…engage in a sexual relationship with him.” He felt the tips of his ears grown warm. “However, I have seen no reciprocation from him.”

“Hmm. I’ve heard that he’ll fuck anything that moves.”

“I do not believe that is accurate. When he woke up in my bed—”

“Wait. What?”

Spock shook his head. “He showed up at my apartment fully incapacitated from substance abuse. I allowed him to sleep it off in my bed. Anyway, as I was saying, for a moment he believed we had engaged in illicit activities, which seemed to disturb him. He alluded to the fact that he did not participate in that activity with males. I assured him nothing of that sort occurred.”

“Jackass.”

“Nyota—”

She waved her hand. “I know you like him. I just don’t get why. You’re so much better than him, Spock.”

Spock said nothing to that and sipped some tea, before admitting, “I invited him to Vulcan.”

Her eyes widened. “You did what?”

“He had no other plans for the break and I sort of invited him before I even considered if it was such a good idea,” Spock admitted.

“Oh, Spock. That’s not. They will not like him there _at all_.” Nyota shook her head. “They’ll treat you both horribly. Him because of the way he is and you for bringing him there. I mean there are certainly many species that inhabit Vulcan, but Jim would be exposed mostly to your own clan and elders.”

Spock hesitated. “I fear you are correct.”

“Maybe you should uninvite him. Nicely of course.” She smiled. “You don’t want to be too much of a dick. But honestly, Spock, you’re probably better off if he doesn’t go.”

****

The more Spock considered it, the more he decided Nyota was right. Vulcan really was not the place for Jim. And he doubted his parents or the elders there would approve of Spock’s friendship with him.

Though they had not said so, Spock could tell his parents had been surprised when he advised them he had had invited another to join him on Vulcan. Taken aback had been more their reaction. While it was true his mother was human, she had acclimated well to Vulcan, and even now there were many Vulcans that considered her a disadvantage to Spock.

Spock found Jim, quite unusually, sitting by himself in the cafeteria with cup of coffee in front of him next to what appeared to be a banana nut muffin he was picking at as he read from his PADD. He looked up with a welcoming smile when Spock took the seat across from him.

“Hey there.”

“Good afternoon, Jim.”

He scooted his muffin toward Spock. “Help yourself.”

“No, thank you. Jim, about the planned trip to Vulcan—”

“Oh right! I haven’t packed yet, but I plan on doing that later today. Shuttle’s first thing tomorrow, yeah?”

“Actually, perhaps that will not be necessary.”

Jim showed no change of expression except open curiosity. “Oh?”

Spock fortified himself. “I believe that you accompanying me to Vulcan may not be the wisest idea after all.”

No change of expression except the barest shrinkish of the size of the pupils in Jim’s eyes.   

“It is merely that this time of year my father’s duties take on particular importance and there is little time for—”

“It’s okay,” Jim said.

“I would not wish for your time to be uninteresting and—”

“Gotcha.”

“Jim.”

“Spock, it’s fine. I get it. I do.” Jim looked away then, his gaze taking on a rather disturbing far off look to it before he looked back at Spock. “I have a-have a class, so I have to go.”

Jim stood then, pushing back his chair with a loud scrape as he scooped up his PADD and coffee. He didn’t touch the muffin.

Spock suddenly felt as though he had failed a test. He did not fail tests. “Wait. Jim. Perhaps I am overthinking this.”

He shook his head then. “No. You aren’t. And I do have to go. See you later, okay?”

Spock watched Jim walk away with what felt a kick to his stomach.

He tried several times later that day, unsuccessfully, to contact Jim to change his mind back to Jim coming to Vulcan with him. He even went by Jim’s dorm but no one answered the door.

The next morning, Spock took the shuttle to Vulcan alone.

****

“Spock, you have been out here for quite some time,” Mother said as she joined him on the large stone balcony of their family home.

It overlooked the mountains and the city beyond.

“I apologize for my neglect.”

She shook her head and stood in front of him. “There’s no need. But you seem…sad.”

Spock looked down at his feet. “I have shamed myself.”

“Shamed yourself? How?”

“I was unkind to-to a friend. And now…I seem unable to undo the damage I have done.”

“Spock,” she said. “Look at me.”

His gaze rose to her kind and beautiful face.

“Is this about the boy you intended to bring with you but did not?”

“Affirmative. I-I rescinded the invitation to come with me.”

“But why?”

“I let uncertainty and doubts rule over logic,” Spock admitted. “I thought of the things my peers would say, as they did when I was a child. Jim is…unusual. Passionate and boisterous. I did not believe he would fit in here and I allowed my own biases to cause me to hurt him.”

“Oh Spock. I don’t believe you intended to be cruel to him. He is more than a mere friend to you, is he not?”

Spock shook his head. “No. Perhaps I would like him to be, but he is not. He is not like me. Nothing like me at all.”

“It is his differences, no doubt, that draws you to him. It could be that you are more like your father than you would like to admit and prefer the company of a human,” she said with a gentle smile.

He closed his eyes. “I know why we have chosen logic over emotions.”

“Spock.”

He looked at her. “I do not want to be ruled by these feelings, Mother. They are a torment.”

“They need not be. You are a child of both worlds, my son. You must find the path to reconcile both. And if Jim is your destiny, then surely you will be forgiven any transgressions.”

“Destiny.” Spock couldn’t help the curl of his lips. “Such an illogical notion.”

She smiled. “Yes. We humans are full of them.” She touched his arm. “Come inside. When you return to San Francisco, you can seek out this boy and make things right.”

“I do not know if that is possible,” Spock admitted.

“Anything is, Spock. Anything is.” 


	7. Brothers

Bones looked up when Jim entered their dorm. “I see you’re ready to go off with Spock? What time do you leave tomorrow?”

Jim glanced at the packed bag that sat on his bed. Yeah, so he’d told Spock he hadn’t packed. He was trying to be cool. Well, look how that had paid off. He flung the bag to the floor and then himself down on the bed.

“That’s off.”

Bones frowned and got up from the desk he was working at. “He’s not going to Vulcan?”

Jim put his pillow over his face. “He is, I’m not.”

“What? I can’t understand you with that pillow over your mouth.”

He moved the pillow. “Spock is going. I’m not.”

“What happened?”

Jim shook his head.

“Jim, what happened?”

“He-he doesn’t like me, Bones. I guess he just pretended to be my friend.”

“I don’t get it.”

Jim sat up and shrugged. “I do. I’m sure he’s heard all the stories about what a dick I am or whatever. Anyway, he told me not to go to Vulcan.”

The muscle in Bones’ jaw ticked. “He uninvited you?”

“Yeah. So. That was probably the shortest friendship known to man. Whatever.”

“Want to come to Georgia with me?”

“No.”

“Jim—”

“I’m going to Chicago. Tonight in fact. Sam invited me a while back and when I thought I was going with Spock, I said no. I messaged him and told him I was coming after all. I got a shuttle out tonight.”

“You don’t like your brother,” Bones pointed out.

Jim opened his bag and surveyed the contents. He’d need different stuff for Chicago then what he’d packed for Vulcan. “He’s okay. And Aurelan just had a baby. It’s fine.”

“And those abandonment issues just gone like that.” He snapped his fingers.

“He did invite me. Guess he wants to make peace.”

Bones nodded. “I don’t like this, but okay.”

Jim smiled. “Everything’s good, Bones. I promise. I’m not going to let it bother me. His loss, right?”

“Absolutely one hundred percent. Let me take you to the shuttle.” Bones studied him for several moments during which Jim steadily stared back. “You’re coming back, right?”

“I’m coming back.” Jim patted Bones’ shoulder. “Let me just exchange the clothes for ones that will work for Chicago.” He paused, feeling a twist in his heart as he looked into his bag.

“What?”

Jim handed him the hyposprays Bones had given him to breathe on Vulcan. “I won’t need these.”

Bones took them without comment for which Jim was grateful. He was holding it together and he wanted to keep it that way.

He went into his closet and took out clothes and then put the other stuff back. He turned his thousand watt smile on his best friend. “I’m ready.”

He was further grateful when Bones returned the smile.

****

Sam was waiting for Jim when he got off the shuttle. He was standing off to the side on his own, hands shoved into the pockets of a leather bomber jacket. Sam was taller than Jim by a couple of inches, and he looked so much like the holopics Jim had seen of their dad, George Kirk, that for a moment it gave him great pause.  It had been years since he’d come face to face with his brother and he felt no little trepidation.

But as Jim approached Sam, his brother opened his arms for him and without hesitation he went into his brother’s embrace.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Sam said, squeezing him tight with his extremely muscular arms.

“Ooof. Why are you so big? I thought you were a scientist.”

Sam laughed. “Well. I work out, little bro.” He put his arm around Jim and started walking away. “That’s a small bag. You need help carrying it?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “I think I can manage.”

Sam poked his ribs. “They’ve been starving you. I thought you promised to eat.”

“I eat.”

“Well, Aurelan will feed you up nice. I can’t wait for you to meet Peter.”

Jim smiled in spite of himself. “I can’t wait to meet him too.”

“It’s a new start for us, Jim.” Sam led him out of the shuttlebay and toward a hover car he opened up with a remote control. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. Get in.”

Jim got into the passenger seat and looked around as Sam pulled out toward, presumably, his house.

Sam glanced at him. “So, why now, kid? I’ve invited you a dozen times and you always said no.”

Jim shrugged. “You wore me down.”

“Wore you down, huh? Okay. But say, listen, how are you really doing there?”

“Good. Really good.” Jim fidgeted with the window. “I breeze right through the courses.”

Sam snorted. “That bullshit might convince everyone who doesn’t know you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know you. You’re super smart. It isn’t that. I’d put my money on you over anyone. But you don’t _breeze_ through anything, Jim. You work hard. You put everything into it. And you may fool morons that don’t bother to look deeper than your killer smile, but I’m not fooled.”

“Whatever,” Jim mumbled.

Sam didn’t know him. He’d been out of Jim’s life for fucking years. But he could think what he wanted. He always did anyway.

They pulled up next to a high-rise building. And then Sam flew the hover car down a ramp where he left it locked up with a code in a computer.

“This way, little bro.”

They rode a lift to the tenth floor and then entered an apartment that Jim swore was bigger than the farmhouse.

He whistled. “You get all this from science?”

“I’m appreciated,” Sam acknowledged. “Working for the Federation. In fact, there’s talk of moving me and the family to Deneva.”

“Deneva? Supposed to be beautiful.”

“Yep. And it’s all part of what I want to talk to you about while you’re here.” Sam gave him a playful punch on the arm. “But first. Aurelan? Jim’s here.”

“Coming!”

Aurelan, a beautiful brunette woman Sam had met at work, came out carrying an infant Jim knew to be three months old. He was dressed in a navy blue onesie and Aurelan was smiling broadly.

“It’s so wonderful to meet you in person, Jim, instead of just video chat.”

“Hi Aurelan.”

“Sam’s been beside himself that you were coming. He was so excited when you said you’d come.”

“Aurie.” Sam was actually blushing.

“Here’s Peter. Would you like to hold him?”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.” He took the tiny little bundle and held him like he’d always been told for babies. Protecting his little head. Tears stung his eyes. “He’s so little.”

“This is your Uncle Jim, Peter,” Sam told his son.

“Hey little guy.”

Sam moved close and put his arm around Jim’s shoulder and looked down at his son. “So, what do you say, Jim?”

Jim frowned and looked at his brother. “About what?”

“What are you really getting out of the Academy?”

“A lot.”

“Yeah? Cause I thought you said that dude Pike talked you into it by bringing up Dad. You don’t owe them, or him, or Dad, for that matter, anything. Starfleet got Dad killed. Mom’s a nutter. _That’s_ what Starfleet does, little bro. Come with us to Deneva. You, Me, Aurelan, and Peter.  Start a new life with your family, Jim. What have you really got back in San Francisco?”

Well, there was Bones.

And…Spock.

No.

But Bones.

_“You’re coming back, right?”_

“I…”

Sam ruffled his hair. “Think about it. You don’t have to decide now. Before you leave.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Sure. Before I leave.”


	8. Returning to San Francisco

Jim took a public bus home from the shuttle bay rather than bother Bones with coming to pick him up. On the bus ride his thoughts were still back with Sam in Chicago, going over everything that was said over and over until it was a continual loop. Something he had been doing since he boarded the shuttle.

_“This could be so good for us, Jim. We can be a real family. We can all start over on Deneva. Wouldn’t you like that? I’ve been looking at jobs you could do there. They don’t have captain, like on a ship, but they do have guys in charge of various functions.” Sam waved his arms excitedly. “I’ve already looked into them and you would definitely be considered. Peter deserves to know his uncle, right? You and me? We had a shitty family. But Peter doesn’t have to. And just think, you might meet someone you really care about there.”_

_“Sam—”_

_“Look, I know, little brother. I know about Meredith. I know what happened on Tarsus.” He looked very serious as he gazed at Jim._

_“How-how do you know about that? It was supposed to be confidential.”_

_“Yeah. Well. Mom blabbed. She never could keep anything secret. I know you loved her, Jim. And I know she died there.”_

_Jim turned away, angrily. “Don’t talk about her.”_

_“The last thing you did was kiss her, right? And now—”_

_“Shut up!”_

_Sam sighed. “Okay. But that was a long time ago now, Jim. You can’t avoid relationships for the rest of your life because of something that happened when you were a kid. There’s no one in San Francisco, right?”_

_He had a vision of Spock again and he swept it away._

_“There’s no one,” he whispered._

_“I just want us to be a normal family, Jim. Or as normal as we can be, anyway. Don’t we owe ourselves that after Frank and Mom and Dad? All that? Deneva is not like Tarsus, Jim. I promise. You’ll have so much food you’ll get fat. What do you say? Please?”_

Jim closed his eyes against the memory. Sam with his puppy dog eyes and his beautiful baby son could be damn persuasive. And it had been true Pike talked him into enlisting.

But somewhere along the way it became more than just because Pike guilted him into it. He’d learned to want it. Wanted to prove himself. That he could be just as good as George Kirk.

The bus stopped where he needed to get off and Jim rose and walked down the stairs and off toward the dorms.

Bones opened their door before Jim could even key his code in.

“Jim!” His friend pulled him into a big bear hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming today? I would have picked you up.”

Jim smiled. “I know. That’s why I didn’t. I didn’t want to be any trouble.”

“You aren’t trouble.” Bones took Jim’s bag from him and set it near the laundry basket. ‘How was your visit with Sam and his family?”

“Nice. They have a great place and Peter is super cute.” Jim grinned. “When he’s not pooping.”

Jim flopped down on his bed.

“Coffee?”

“God, yes, thanks.”

Bones poured him coffee from their coffeemaker and added cream for Jim. He handed to him and then sat on his own bed, opposite Jim. “So glad you’re here.”

“How was Georgia?”

“Good. But I couldn’t wait to leave.” Bones studied him. “Spock came by once.”

“Why?”

Bones shrugged. “To talk to you I guess. Day before yesterday. Told him you weren’t here. I asked him what he wanted but he wouldn’t say.”

Jim nodded. “Okay, well, whatever. I’m sure it wasn’t anything important.” He bit his lip. “Listen. I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” Bones grimaced. “To be honest, I was afraid you weren’t coming back here.”

“I said I would.”

“I know. But I also know you want this thing you never really had. A family, acceptance. I pretty much figured Sam wanted you to visit to get you back.” Bones shook his head. “Am I right?”

“Yeah, on the nose,” Jim said softly. “He wants me to go to Deneva with him and Aurelan and the baby.”

“Deneva? What the hell is Deneva?”

“A class M planet that’s supposed to be breathtaking. Sam has himself a job lined up in one of the laboratories there. A nice house. Great benefits, I guess.”

“And he wants you to be a part of it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And I bet he laid it on real thick, didn’t he?”

“The thickest,” Jim admitted.

“Son of a bitch,” Bones swore. “I knew I should have made you go to Georgia with me.”

“Bones.”

“This is about the hobgoblin, isn’t it?”

“Spock? God, no. We were only friends and barely even that. And I get it, I do. I wasn’t a very good friend to him. I don’t really know how to be friends with anyone but you and I think that’s just because you put up with more than anyone else.”

“Jim—”

Jim waved away his protests. “The truth is you’re my only friend, Bones. Everyone else is just an acquaintance I guess. So, I don’t know, maybe Sam is right. A fresh, new start might be good for me.”

Bones narrowed his eyes. “Did you already tell him yes?”

“Uh.”

“Damnit, Jim. This is bullshit. What about you? What about what _you_ want? Don’t you want to be a captain of your own starship?”

“Well. I joined on a dare and—”

“Bullshit! That’s Sam talking.”

“Bones, no. Until Pike talked to me in that bar I never even thought of being in Starfleet.”

“All that sciencey shit, that’s _Sam’s_ dream, not yours. And you don’t belong on Deneva and you know it. You belong on the bridge of a starship under your command. And for fuck’s sake you don’t need Sam as your family. When has he ever been there for you? You have _me_. I’m your family.”

“Bones,” Jim said, suddenly so overcome with emotions, he couldn’t get any words out. He was all choked up.

“Yeah, well,” Bones grumbled. “Somebody’s got to knock some sense into you. You were depressed after being kicked by Spock—”

“Spock didn’t kick me.”

“Figuratively speaking. And Sam used your sadness and vulnerability to manipulate you. Damn fool. You want to make such a monumental decision like that, you take time. You don’t just decide on a whim because you feel bad, Jim.”

Jim had to admit that what Bones said made sense. “But. What do I tell Sam?”

“That he can shove Deneva up his ass.”

Jim’s lips twitched. “Bones.”

“I can tell him for you if you’d like.”

“Bones.”

“I’m serious,” Bones insisted. “I’ll message him and say after further consideration, you’ve decided to finish Starfleet Academy and follow your own dream instead of his. Good luck on Deneva.”

Jim got up and went to Bones bed, hugging him tight. “I love you.”

Bones patted his back. “Yeah, yeah, right back at you, kid.”

****

“Jim?”

He looked up from the PADD he was studying. He sat on a bench in a park about a block away from the Academy. Classes had resumed and he’d been back in San Francisco for two weeks.

He was actually a little surprised to see Spock standing before him. Jim had received two messages from Spock since he’d returned from Chicago asking him if he wanted to meet somewhere and Jim had ignored both. Probably not very nice of him, but he’d had a lot to think about and he had been busy with classes.

Jim smiled. “Hi, Spock.”

Spock lowered himself onto the bench beside him. “You have been avoiding me.”

“No, not really.”

“You did not respond to my messages. Did Doctor McCoy advise you I came to see you?”

“Oh, right. He did tell me. Sorry. I was visiting my brother.”

“Yes, I was advised of such. I wished to offer you my apology.”

Jim lowered his PADD and eyed him warily. “For what?”

“Withdrawing my invitation for you to accompany me to Vulcan. It was unkind.”

Jim shook his head. “No. It’s all right. And you were probably right anyway. I would have embarrassed you with my uncouth ways.”

“I did not—”

“No, I know. You didn’t say that. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. You didn’t really want me to go with you, you were just put on the spot and unthinkingly invited me. It’s fine, Spock. I accept your apology.”

Spock looked vaguely confused. “You do?”

“Sure.” He smiled brightly. “How are things with you? You have a nice visit on Vulcan?”

“Yes, it was acceptable.”

“Good. I bet it was good to see your parents.”

“Indeed. And your visit with your brother?”

“He has a new baby who is really adorable, so yeah, I liked it.”

“I did not know you intended to visit your brother.”

“Well, I didn’t. It was last minute after you uninvited me.”

“Jim—”

“I know, it’s fine. How are things with Uhura?”

“Nyota?”

“Oh so that’s her first name. Yeah, her. You guys are together now, right?” Jim shrugged. “That’s what I heard.”

“As I told you before, we are friends only.”

“Hm. Well, someone is spreading the rumor that you’re more than friends. Anyway, whatever the case, it’s not my business.”

Spock said nothing for a moment, merely stared at Jim for so long that it started to make Jim squirm a little.

“If you are available, I would like to ask you to accompany me for tea.”

“Well—”

“They also have coffee, if you prefer.”

Jim bit his lip and looked away. He liked Spock. A lot. And he _did_ tell Bones he hadn’t been a very good friend to him. Which was why, of course, Spock ditched him on the trip he’d planned. Spock could be brutally honest, almost to cruelty. But maybe Jim needed to develop a thicker skin.

“If you have other plans—”

“No. I don’t. Sure. Okay. Let’s go have tea and coffee.” Jim stood up when Spock did and then fell into step beside him. He glanced upward at the thickening clouds. “Looks like maybe rain later.”

“We will take my hover car so that the chance of you getting wet will be minimized.”

Jim smiled. “Okay.”


	9. Shared

There was something different about Jim and Spock did not like it. It was a broken feeling. Like Jim is wounded and is trying not to act like he is.

He had not known whether to try again after Jim ignored his two messages. Spock wanted to, but if Jim wanted no contact with him, Spock thought perhaps he should respect this. But when he’d seen Jim sitting in the park alone, Spock had been unable to stop himself from approaching.

And though Jim went with him for tea and coffee willingly enough, Spock could not shake the wrongness of it. There was a distance in Jim that hadn’t been prevalent before.

He held the door for Jim as they entered the establishment and, as Jim passed him, he even saw the distance in Jim’s blue eyes. Vulcans often shielded their minds from others, as touch telepaths it was necessary, and it was as though Jim shielded himself from Spock.

“What would you like?” Spock made himself ask.

“Just a regular coffee with cream.”

Spock nodded and approached the counter after pointing out a table for two nearby.

Less than five minutes later, Spock brought their beverages to the table and sat.

“Thanks,” Jim said with a smile.

“Jim.”

“Yeah?”

“I really am sorry about my behavior preceding my trip to Vulcan.”

“No, it’s really all right. I know I can be too much.”

Spock frowned slightly. “Too much what?”

“Me.” Jim shrugged. “Admit it. I’m not the sort of friend you’ve ever had before.”

“You are not,” Spock agreed.

“I can imagine not. In fact, I very much doubt most Vulcans would choose to be friends with me. I’m not even remotely logical. And for the most part, I’d be willing to wager most Vulcans don’t bother to look beyond surface stuff.”

Spock opened his mouth to reply but then closed it. He very much suspected Vulcans had just been called shallow.

“If all they see is my wild, womanizing ways.” Jim paused to smile. “Well, I can imagine what they think. What _you_ think. And likely what your friend, Uhura, thinks.” Jim shrugged. “And I guess I didn’t really show you much different. So, yeah, I can see why everything happened.”

“I…see.”

Jim’s gaze was very sharp when he met Spock’s eyes. “I’m not going to lie though, Spock. It hurt. I’d packed my stuff.” He held up his hands. “I know I said I hadn’t, but I was trying not to act too eager, you know, be cool. I even had Bones give me some hypos for dealing with the atmosphere there.”

“Jim—“

“No,” he said softly. “You hadn’t meant to ask me, but you felt stuck. I should have realized and not accepted to begin with. You’ve never been friends with someone like me and it’s weird and you don’t know how to act or what’s acceptable. I’m guessing Uhura also helped you see the error of your ways in inviting me and I’d guess that was mostly because she would have rather you invited her, but whatever the case, she wasn’t wrong in telling you that you shouldn’t have invited me.”

“I am uncertain.”

“I’m not. And it’s fine, Spock. The truth is we aren’t good enough friends for that kind of invitation. And I had no business going to your apartment when I was fucked up with alcohol. That was damned presumptuous of me. We aren’t good enough friends for that either.  And it was really uncool. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t your problem and I made it that way, so then you felt sorry enough for me to make a bad decision of your own.”

“Better that you came to me rather than endanger yourself.”

Jim shook his head. But he said nothing about that further. “What I propose is that we, I don’t know, start over, maybe?”

“Start over?”

“I’m Jim Kirk and I’m on the command track.” Jim looked at him expectantly.

Spock blinked. “I am quite aware of your identity.”

“And you are?”

“Spock as you know.”

Jim smiled. “Nice to meet you, Spock.”

Spock was fast getting a human sized headache. With no little effort, he said, “Nice to meet you as well.”

“There, was that so hard?”

“Exceedingly.”

Jim laughed at that. “The point is we can be friends without the burden of what came before. Or theoretically anyway. How’s your tea? Is it Lapsang?”

“Indeed it is, however, how did you guess that, since we just met,” Spock said dryly.

“Touché,” Jim said with a big grin. “It’s the smoky smell, of course. Wow, I had no idea Vulcans rolled their eyes.”

“I am half-Human,” Spock reminded him.

“Since we’re friends, and tomorrow’s Saturday, so there are no classes, what do you say we go to an amusement park?”

“An amusement park.”

“Yeah. Roller coasters, rides, um, stuff that’s bad for you to eat, that kind of thing.”

“Yes, I am familiar with what one is. I was under the impression it was a place for children.”

“Hell, no. I mean sure, there _are_ kids, but it’s not just for them. It’ll be fun. And it’s something friends do.”

“Is it? Very well. Then I accept.”

“Great. I’ll come get you tomorrow morning at eight.”

****

Spock woke from a most unpleasant dream the next morning at six am. In it, he wandered the streets of San Francisco and when he suddenly came upon a bar he spotted Jim on the ground, bloodied and beaten, dying alone. And as he knelt beside Jim, blood oozed from Jim’s nose and mouth, he gasped out, “I didn’t want to bother you.”

After Spock woke from such an unsettling dream, he certainly could not go back to sleep and even meditation was difficult.

By the time it got close to eight, Spock looked outside and noticed the inclement weather. As humans would say, it was raining cats and dogs.

As if on cue, his PADD beeped and Spock went to it.

_Guess there’s no amusement park today. Another time._

_Indeed._

Spock hesitated and the typed out.

_Would you like to come over for breakfast?_

_No, thank you, though. I’m going to get in some extra studying. Have a good day, Spock._

And that was it. Plans canceled and no official rescheduling. Just a vague ‘another time’. It left Spock feeling quite unsettled and more certain than ever that Jim had definitely erected a wall between them.

****

A few days later, Nyota said, “You seem distracted. What’s on your mind?”

They were seated at a table in the Academy’s cafeteria. Spock had a salad in front of him, which he had barely touched, and Nyota had almost finished her spaghetti marinara.

“You would not understand.”

She sighed. “Try me.”

“No, I am certain you would not as it has to do with Jim.”

“Kirk?”

Spock nodded.

“I didn’t think you were seeing much of him these days.”

“I am not and I am not certain that is a good thing.”

“No?” She stuck the straw from her soda into her mouth. “I thought it was your idea not to see him.”

“Not really, no. Since I…since my return from Vulcan, he has been distant. Even to the point I suspect he is deliberately avoiding me.”

Nyota shrugged. “I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“Nyota—”

“I know, I know. I just…I just think he’s a jerk, Spock. I tried to see him from your point of view but he’s not even a very good friend to you. He dumps you for the first woman he wants to fuck. You’re far too good for Jim Kirk. And you deserve better than him.”

Behind him, Spock heard a clang. He turned his head to see Jim holding a tray full of food, clearly intent on joining them. There were blotches of red on his cheeks.

Even as Spock opened his mouth to say something, Jim slammed down the tray of food on the nearest table and turned on his heels to leave the cafeteria.

Nyota raised her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Spock! I’m sorry. Oh, God, I’ve just made a mess of things. You better go after him. And tell him I’m sorry.”

Spock was out of his seat before she had finished speaking, running out in search of Jim.

****

By the time he caught up to Jim, he was standing on a pedestrian bridge overlooking the bay.

“Leave me alone,” Jim said upon Spock’s approach.

Spock hesitated only briefly. “Jim.”

“Go away, Spock. We’re not friends. We’re not anything.”

Perhaps there was a time that Spock would have listened and turned and walked away. But a closer inspection of Jim gave him several clues. The hunched in shoulders, the way his arms were wrapped around him defensively. And the wet sheen to those incredible eyes.

“Nyota does not speak for me.”

“Sure.”

“She does not. And she offers her apology.”

“For the fact I heard her, not for saying it.” Jim turned his back on Spock. “And she’s probably right. I suck.”

Spock moved closer. “I wish that you would not say that. And I do not believe it anyway. What Nyota said had nothing to do with my own feelings, Jim. She does not speak for me,” Spock said again.

Jim leaned over the rail of the bridge and looked down. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I probably won’t be here much longer anyway.”

Spock felt alarm course through him. “What?” He grasped Jim’s arms and turned him to face him. “You-you are not—”

Jim frowned. “No. I’m not going to jump to my death if that’s what you mean.”

Spock relaxed and even allowed himself to exhale. He did not release Jim though. “I am relieved to hear that.”

“I just meant…oh, never mind. You don’t care about this.”

“I do,” Spock said. “Please explain.”

“My brother is going to Deneva with his family and he’s asked me to go with them,” Jim said. “Bones doesn’t want me to, but honestly, I’m back to thinking about it.”

“No.”

“I mean—”

“No.”

“What?”

“I do not want you to leave.”

Jim shook his head and attempted to dislodge himself from Spock’s grip. Unsuccessfully. “Why? Why do you care?”

“Because I…”

“ _Why_?”

“Because I like you,” Spock told him. Maybe shaking him a little. He tried not to. “That is why I invited you to Vulcan in the first place. Because-because I like you, Jim. A lot.”

And now Spock knew that he was surely blushing as Jim stared at him, mouth hanging open.

Spock let go of Jim’s arms and stepped back. “I am aware that you do not share my interest. All we can ever have is a friendship. That is acceptable. And more desirable than your quitting Starfleet Academy and going to live with your brother’s family.”

Jim continued to stare at him.

“Say something,” Spock finally said, unable to stand the staring silence.

Jim’s tongue darted out to trace his lips and then he took a step toward Spock, hand outstretched toward Spock’s.

When he touched two fingers to Spock’s, Spock was rendered speechless.

“Is that right?” Jim asked, quietly.

“You are kissing me,” Spock blurted out.

Jim smiled. “I guess it’s right then.”

“You said you do not kiss your intimates.”

“Guess that’s no longer true.”

Now Spock felt flustered and uncertain. But he did not move his fingers away and neither did Jim. “Does this mean—?”

“I share your interest?” Jim raised both eyebrows. “I think it does, yes.”

Spock looked around to see if there was anyone else around to witness them. Almost to the end of the bridge there was a couple with their arms around each other, but they paid no heed to the two of them.

“We are being—”

“Bold?”

“Unseemly,” Spock murmured.

Jim laughed. “I like the way you say that word.”

Very deliberately, Jim ran his fingertips up and down Spock’s fingers. Then he dropped his fingers from Spock’s and stood back once more.

“I’m starving by the way,” Jim said inexplicably.

Spock tried to get his brain back to functioning. Then he recalled Jim had discarded his food. And Spock had barely touched his salad.

Spock cleared his throat. “I have the means to make us dinner at my apartment.”

“Yeah? That sounds very good. Lead the way, Spock.”

And Spock turned to make his way off the pedestrian bridge, hyper aware of Jim trailing behind him. 


	10. Spock's Apartment

Spock was completely out of his element. He had never felt for anyone the attraction, the affection, he felt for Jim. He’d never experienced physical intimacy with another.

Vulcans bonded as children, to other Vulcans, and Spock had been no exception. Until recently, he expected that would be his future. But then right after Spock departed Vulcan for Starfleet Academy, T’Pring, his mate, had asked to sever their bond so that she could choose another. Since Spock felt nothing in particular for her, he had readily agreed.  

And now that Jim was in his life, perhaps sharing Spock’s feelings, he could not help but be relieved he did not have a bond in place.

But as they stepped into his apartment, Spock could not deny he felt…nervous. A feeling he was most unused to.

Jim breezed past him and looked around as though he’d never been there before, when in fact he had.

Spock closed and locked his door, turning to watch Jim. “It has not changed since the last time you were here.”

“I know. I guess, I’m just full of nervous energy.”

He nodded. “I can understand that. I am feeling something of that myself.”

Jim smiled. He had a beautiful smile when it was genuine. Spock had already begun to tell the difference between his real smiles and those he faked.

“Vulcans get nervous?”

“Apparently I do.”

Jim’s smile faded and he turned away. 

Spock felt a fluttering in his stomach as he moved away from the door. “I will just see what I have to make us for dinner. I am afraid I do not have coffee nor a replicator in this apartment.”

“Yeah. It’s okay. I know you weren’t expecting me. Or even to come here at all. I’m sorry I interrupted your meal or whatever.”

Jim was backtracking. Spock recognized it. He didn’t like it. Less than thirty minutes ago, Jim was speaking of shared feelings and touching his fingers to Spock’s.

“You intended to join us,” Spock said, opening his refrigerator.

“Yeah. Big mistake, obviously.”

“Jim,” Spock said uncertainly.

“I know Uhura hates me.”

“She does not—”

“She totally does. Do you think that’s the first time she’s ever said something like that about me or to me? It isn’t. And I’m pretty sure she’s been trying to turn you against me from the first time we met. I saw you guys there in the cafeteria and I just thought I’d try to make nice because… I don’t even know. I guess cause you like her. You see something in her.”

“May I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You said on the pedestrian bridge that you shared my interest. Have you changed your mind?”

Jim wasn’t looking at him, but was, in fact, avoiding Spock’s gaze. It did not bode well and all of the optimism Spock had been feeling disappeared as though it had only been an illusion.

Spock had closed the refrigerator now, making dinner for them now forgotten and perhaps abandoned.

“No,” Jim whispered after long minutes of silence. “I just-I don’t know what to do with it.”

“I see.”

“I’ve never been…” Jim sighed. “You’re the first guy and I—”

“You are uncomfortable with it.”

“No,” Jim said, raising his gaze to Spock finally. “I mean, I don’t think I am. I don’t know how to act and I don’t know how to be and I’m really afraid I’m going to fuck this up like I do everything.”

Jim took a step closer to him.

“You-well, how many times, I mean, who else have you—”

“No one.”

Jim faltered. His eyes had become very wide and stark in his face. “Are you saying—?”

Spock nodded, unable to form the words, suddenly very embarrassed.

“Wow.”

“I am sorry.”

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?”

“My inexperience likely displeases you.”

Jim laughed. “Um,  no. Actually, it’s pretty cool.”

“I do not understand.”

“It takes off a lot of pressure. We can kind of navigate this whole crazy thing together, right?” Then Jim frowned. “I mean, if you still want to.”

Spock found that his mouth had gone a little dry. “I want to.”

The smile came back, dazzling in its power. “Even though your friend hates me?”

“As I told you before, she does not speak or think for me. And I believe in time she will come to realize her judgment of you was in error.”

“Well,” Jim said doubtfully. “We’ll see. Can I ask you something now?”

“Anything.”

“Were you really afraid I had change my mind about, well, as you would say, my interest?”

There was a teasing light in those blue eyes but it was lighthearted and warm and Spock recognized it has affectionate rather than mean-spirited.

“Yes. You were acting rather peculiar once we arrived at my apartment and I thought it was an indication of your regret.”

“No. Just…I’m not really good at all of this. If I say the wrong thing—”

“You could not.”

Jim laughed. “I definitely could.” Jim’s stomach growled and he glanced down at it. “Still hungry by the way.”

“Do you object if we order takeout?”

“Nope, let’s do it!”

****

“Wow, this is good,” Jim said around a mouthful of food.

He looked too good sitting on Spock’s sofa next to Spock for him to say too much about talking with his mouth full. Spock didn’t want to spoil anything. 

They’d found a place that could accommodate both of them. So Jim had chosen Spaghetti Bolognese and Spock had chosen Spicy Curried Lentils.

“Mine is quite satisfactory as well.”

“Good idea for takeout. Not that I doubt whatever you would have made wouldn’t have been good.”

“I am a satisfactory cook,” Spock replied. “As I recall you advised you did not cook.”

“Well.” Jim shrugged. “I just don’t really even try. I either eat out or I replicate it. There’s only a kitchenette in the dorm.”

“Perhaps I could instruct you at some point.”

Jim smirked. “I’d like to be under your instruction.”

Spock felt himself blush. “A sexual innuendo.”

“Sorry. Can’t help myself. You are really cute.”

Spock took a bite of his lentils, chewed and swallowed. “Yet you have never found yourself attracted to a male before.”

“I like to think I’m attracted to the individual, whatever they are,” Jim said. “To be honest, I wasn’t even aware just how interested I was in you until very recently.”

“You thought you only felt friendship for me.”

“I did, yeah.” Jim bit his lip. “Does that bother you?”

“What made you decide otherwise?”

Jim put his empty plate on Spock’s coffee table. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “When you uninvited me to Vulcan and I felt like the world had ended.”

Spock felt the shame again. “Jim, I—”

Jim placed his hand on Spock’s leg. “No, you don’t need to apologize again. I just wanted to explain. I felt…devastated. Way worse than I should have as a friend, I think. And then when I went to see Sam and his family all I could think about was you. And thinking about you hurt.”

“I thought of only you when I was on Vulcan,” Spock said softly. “And how I wish I had behaved differently.”

“I’m kind of freaked out, Spock. I don’t…emotional attachment is scary.”

“On that I can agree,” Spock murmured. “Can you explain your aversion to kissing?”

Jim shook his head. “I’m not averse to kissing you. I want to right now.” He stroked his fingers along Spock’s. “But considering all the garlic I just ate, we might want to stick with Vulcan kissing.”

“Jim. Please?”

He swallowed heavily, moved his hand and looked away. “You probably wouldn’t even understand.”

“I would like to try.”

He sighed and leaned his head against the top of the sofa. He closed his eyes. His cheeks were slightly flushed and Spock was pretty sure he’d never seen anyone as beautiful as Jim.

“Her name was Meredith,” Jim said quietly. “And I met her on Tarsus IV.”


	11. Kissing

Jim hated talking about Tarsus, probably more than he hated talking about anything. Nothing good ever came from it. There were no treasured memories. No lessons he could learn. It was just dark and dismal and frightening. The times when he woke up screaming happened far less often, there was that. And he hoped to get further and further away from thoughts of starvation and genocide.

Spock was staring at him with a mixture of awe and horror. The thing was, that generally was Spock’s expression when he looked at Jim. So he wasn’t sure if his declaration about being on Tarsus surprised the Vulcan or not.

Probably talking about Jim’s friends on Tarsus was among the hardest parts, but really, what was easy about any of it?

“So, yeah,” Jim said, with more swagger than he really felt at the moment. “I was on Tarsus. Meredith and her brother, Kevin, lived next door to us. Us being me and my aunt and uncle. Only they weren’t. My aunt and uncle, that is. They were friends of my grandparents who agreed to take care of me for a while.”

And that was because his mom and his stepfather hadn’t known what to do about Jim anymore. His constant acting out had been more than they could handle.

“I’m sure you know enough about Tarsus based on stories that I don’t really need to get into the-the gory details.” And he so didn’t want to, anyway. He would if Spock forced him to but one sideways glance at the Vulcan told him that Spock would most definitely not force the issue.

And he also couldn’t fail to notice that Spock had subtly moved closer to him on the sofa. He was so overwhelmed just then with tender feelings for Spock, that it took a few seconds for him to compose himself.

He looked away. “In that family, only Kevin was chosen to survive. Meredith and her parents were both to be taken to the chambers for killing. The same with my grandparents’ friends that were caring for me. It was such bullshit because they’d been on Tarsus for far longer than I had, but they were old and deemed not necessary.”

He felt a hot burning behind his eyes and ruthlessly willed it away.

“I had a crush on Meredith. She was my same age and it was just, you know, a silly crush that kids get. It wouldn’t have lasted long if it had been allowed to run its natural course. But when we found out that they were coming for her, her parents begged Keven and me to take her away and hide her, so we did. Kevin was so young, practically a baby still.”

“You were given charge of children as a child yourself?” Spock asked softly.

“Well.” Jim shrugged. “There was no one else.”

He could still see all their faces and that was the problem. The Rileys. His grandparents’ friends, the Morrisons. And—

“We didn’t get very far, really. The terrain had turned rough and there were Kodos’ men everywhere looking for those trying to escape the death chambers. Just before they’d found us, Kevin was sleeping, it was night, so I was keeping watch, and Meredith felt bad that I was awake, so she refused to sleep herself. We’d been talking, stupid kid stuff to distract ourselves from being scared out of our fucking minds. And I kissed her. It was my first kiss, hers too. It was silly and awkward, honestly, and a little gross.”

Spock arched his brow at that and Jim couldn’t help but laugh, but the laughter faded quickly.

“We were both dirty and skinny and just a little crazy from the fear. Anyway, it was like, I don’t know, maybe a minute or two later when they descended on us. It seemed like dozens of armed men and women just swarmed us. They pulled Kevin up out of sleep and they hand a hold of all of us and it was pretty painful because they weren’t in the mood to be nice or gentle, they’d done nothing but deal with runners. Meredith was crying. I demanded that they let her go but they just laughed at me. Then they took this scanner thing. And they scanned me, then they scanned Kevin.”

Jim paused to take a really heavy, deep breath, and then he released it again.

“I remember they remarked about how stupid we were for running since we weren’t selected to be exterminated. Then they scanned Meredith and they knew. I saw it in their eyes as they looked at her. And she did too. God, I’ve never seen anyone so damn scared in my life. I opened my mouth to beg them to take me instead of her, but before I could say _anything,_ they shot her right in front of us,” Jim whispered. “Kevin’s scream…well, you don’t forget that. After that the rest of it was something of a blur until we were all rescued. All those people killed for nothing, Spock.”

“I know, ashayam.”

“And Meredith. I kissed her and she died.”

“Jim, it was certainly not the cause of her death.”

“I know.” Jim looked at Spock but saw nothing but sympathy. “But that really fucked me up. Logically I know if I kiss someone they aren’t going to be shot in front of me. But it was just easier not to kiss anyone, to hold myself back from that level of intimacy, you know. I know it’s crazy and stupid but—”

“No,” Spock interrupted. “You were simply saving your kisses for someone that mattered to you as much as she did.”

Jim shook his head and smiled a little. His stomach still churned a bit and his heart still raced, but it was good to get the talking about Tarsus over. He hoped he would never have to mention it again.

“You matter far more than a thirteen year old’s crush, Spock.”

Spock tilted his head in that endearing way he had that Jim didn’t even know the meaning of but he loved it. An insane amount.

“God, I so want to fucking kiss you,” he said softly.

“Then wait no further,” Spock returned equally soft.

“The garlic—”

“Garlic be damned.”

Jim burst out laughing. Spock was full of surprises. And he had hardly finished laughing when Spock fisted his collar and pulled him in for a kiss, apparently growing impatient with Jim’s stalling.

It was spicy curry mixed with bolognaise and God, it was like kissing life. Spock’s lips were damn addicting and Jim found himself following his lips and crawling into Spock’s lap, straddling the Vulcan as their lips met over and over.  

Spock’s hands, warm and surprisingly soft, slipped under Jim’s shirt to cruise over the bare skin of his back.

“Will you lay with me?” Spock asked, his voice hoarse and shaky.

Jim could only nod.

Spock shifted and rose from the sofa, taking Jim with him. It was like he weighed nothing to Spock, and God, if that wasn’t a turn on, Jim didn’t know what was.

Spock carried him into his bedroom, kissing Jim’s mouth, his jaw, his neck, as he did so. As they crossed the threshold, Jim pulled his shirt off over his head, tossing it far away. Then he reached for Spock’s and did the same for his.

Jim’s dick had never been harder, he was sure of it. He might never have been with a guy before but he had never met Spock, and this felt so fucking right it was transcending.     

He framed Spock’s face in his hands, kissing him desperately, wantonly. He couldn’t resist moving a finger up to caress the tip of Spock’s pointed ear and he was rewarded with a low hum that almost sounded purr-like.

Jim was placed gently on Spock’s bed, right in the middle, and Spock removed Jim’s shoes, letting them fall to the floor. He slowly licked his lips as he watched Spock remove his own shoes and then his pants and briefs.

His chest was covered in curly black hair, his muscles bulged in all the right places, his abs were defined like he worked out in a gym every day.

Hot damn.

“Fuck me,” he breathed. “You are so gorgeous.”

Spock blushed a becoming light green. “You are the beautiful one, ashayam.”

He then concentrated on yanking off Jim’s pants and underwear in one fell swoop, exposing Jim’s nakedness to his very hungry gaze.

Jim’s tongue came out again as realized how much he could _not_ wait to be fucked by Spock.  

“Oh shit!”

“Jim?”

“Lube, Spock. I think you’re supposed to use lube. You know for my—” And it was his turn to blush, because really, he couldn’t get the words out.

Spock’s eyes sparkled with sudden amusement. It was very appealing. He knelt on the bed and leaned down to speak directly in Jim’s ear. “Two things. I self-lubricate.”

Jim sucked in a breath as his dick jumped.

“And I am not as unprepared as you imagine.”

Spock leaned over toward the drawer by his bed and opened it, withdrawing a small tube of lube.

Jim’s jaw dropped open. “But if you’ve never—”

“It has never been opened,” Spock admitted. “But I have always had hope.”

Jim grinned. “You are going to get so lucky tonight, Professor.”

Which caused another blush to appear across Spock’s flesh. Jim’s heart was so full it might burst.

“Come here,” Jim urged.

Spock did, leaning over Jim to begin kissing him once more. Jim took the tube from Spock’s hand and twisted off the lid as they continued to devour each other’s lips.

He could feel Spock’s erect and lubricated cock against his leg and hell, if that wasn’t so hot. He loved Vulcans.

“Easy, ashayam,” Spock whispered against his lips. “Allow me.”

Spock took the lube and squeezed some out, then slipped his fingers between Jim’s butt cheeks.

“God, I can’t wait,” Jim admitted, “but I also want to savor everything.”

“There will be time.” A finger, long and slick, pushed inside Jim.

Jim hissed at the sting of intrusion but it went away quickly. “More.”

“Jim—”

“More, Professor.”

And that definitely got Spock’s attention. He stuck another finger into Jim and the cock against his leg pulsed.

The second one didn’t sting as much as the first one had and when Spock added a third, Jim felt only good.

“I’m ready/”

“Are you certain?”

“Very. Come on, Spock. Be my first.”

“Your only,” Spock growled, pretty damn possessively, and he rose above Jim, parting his legs, and pushing inside him with such a powerful, potent thrust, Jim’s eyes really did role back in his head.  

“Spock, are you sure you’ve never—”

“If you can still speak I am doing it wrong.”

“You are definitely, oh fuck, not doing it wrong. Spock!” Over and over Spock thrust and pulsed inside him. Jim had never felt anything like it. And damn, why hadn’t he?

He was a little startled when Spock’s hand spread out over his face but not unwilling, but really he didn’t feel anything weird from it, just Spock’s fingers caressing his cheek.

Jim grabbed his own dick and began to feverishly stroke himself, attempting to keep time with Spock’s frantic, fast thrusts inside him.

“Spock, Spock, Spock,” he panted, like a litany, his orgasm hitting him, hard and intense. He tilted up a little to give Spock even deeper access into him. Spock slammed once, twice, three more times into Jim, and then Spock’s cum was pouring into him, his ass muscles clenching around the Vulcan cock.

“Oh. My. God. I don’t even know what to say to that,” Jim said, breathlessly, as Spock eased out of him.

“I find myself rather speechless as well.”

Jim turned to face Spock as he lowered himself to the mattress. “Yeah? So, good, right?”

Spock shook his head, looking bemused. “How you can even doubt that is beyond me, Jim.”

Jim smiled. “Did you meld us? I don’t mind, just curious.”

“Negative. I would never do so without your permission. I wished only to feel your skin on mine.”

“Oh.” And damn, it seemed so ridiculously romantic. Like something he might have made fun of once. But now— “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“I was about to reduce myself to begging you to doing just that,” Spock said with his lips curving very slightly. “I have no desire to be parted from you.”

And that was a heady statement.

“Good,” Jim whispered.

“But, I should clean us up,” Spock said, then yawned. “It is simply I have no will to move either.”

Jim chuckled. “Neither do I. We’ll clean up later.” And he leaned in and kissed Spock.

Kissing was everything.


	12. Sweetheart

 Spock experienced heady exultation upon waking next to a still sleeping Jim. He was unused to such a blatantly un-Vulcan feeling and yet he found he had no desire to quash it. He had expected to wake to find out he’d had some dream or had imagined that Jim had come to his apartment, told him so much about his past, had consummated things with Spock, and then had stayed the night.

The relief he experienced to learn it was all true was euphoric.

There was such softness in Jim’s face as he slept. A sweetness. Almost an innocence. The cynicism was missing. The bold, brassy showy Jim was hidden away behind those impossibly long lashes.

Which lifted suddenly, fast, quick, not at all at a languid pace, and Jim sucked in a breath at the same time, before the shock in those too blue eyes faded to be replaced by calm acceptance.

“Good morning,” Jim said softly, his voice thick with the traces of sleep that had not altogether dissipated.

“Morning,” Spock murmured.

“What time is it?”

“I am not presently sure.”

“How long have you been awake?”

Spock felt warm amusement when Jim suddenly yawned. “Not long. You do not yet have to rise. It is Saturday.”

“Oh, thank God.” Jim’s lips curved in a charming smile. “Because the idea of moving from this bed with you still in it is really unappealing.”

“I find that I am in complete agreement.”

And he also found that he no longer wished to avoid touching Jim. He reached out and cupped Jim’s warm cheek, running his thumb along the bristle of Jim’s jaw.

“What do we do now?”

“I imagine we prepare to navigate this newfound relationship between us.”

Spock arched a brow. “That sounds very much like something I would say.”

Jim laughed. “I know. I practiced.”

“That is what we are embarking on, is it not?”

“Yeah. I think we can call it a relationship. I know I don’t want to think of either one of us with anyone else.”

“Nor do I.”

“Okay then. That makes us super duper boyfriends.”

“Super duper?”

Jim laughed again. “Well, sure. Do you see us as just average boyfriends? Because I don’t. It’s special. We’re special.”

“You are anyway.”

“I really want to kiss you and fuck you and kiss you some more.”

“And what is stopping you?”

“The fact I really really have to pee!”

“That is something. Very well. We will both pee and then we will eat and then we will go back to bed and start all over again.”

A little while later, they sat at the table in Spock’s dining room. That is Spock sat, and Jim sat on Spock, arms wrapped around Spock’s shoulders. Spock had made them biscuits, from a recipe his mother had used, and Jim ate his with butter and jam, and Spock ate his with just jam.

“Before we get involved again I should probably text Bones just to let him know I’m alive.”

“Probably wise. I should also text Nyota.”

Jim made a face at that.

“You have nothing to fear. She will not interfere in our involvement.”

“Except that she already has.” Jim sighed. “I know. Shut up.”

“I would never tell you to shut up, but I assure you that I am fully committed to being super duper boyfriends with you.”

He expected Jim to laugh but instead his gaze became intense, passionate, stealing Spock’s breath. He covered Spock’s mouth with his in a searing kiss.

Spock tossed aside his half-eaten biscuit, stood up, pulling Jim with him, and returned to the bedroom, all ideas of texting anyone gone from both of their minds.

****

When Jim went into the shower sometime later, Spock sent a message to Nyota.

_Good afternoon, Nyota_

_I apologize for not getting word to you prior to this moment. I wish to inform you that I was able to intercept Jim after his departure from the cafeteria. I was able to convince him to join me for dinner at my apartment, and after a mutually beneficial conversation, Jim spent the night. Matters are going well._

_Spock._

He’d only hit send less than thirty seconds before he received a response.

_Well? They are going well? Is that all you can say?_

Spock shrugged slightly.

_They are going very well._

_Spock!_

_Exceptionally well_.

Suddenly Nyota’s face appeared and Spock hit accept.

She was smiling. “Where is he?”

“In the shower. Or I would not have accepted your comm,” Spock said with some severity.

“Oh. In the _shower_. I’d say things _are_ going well.”

“Nyota.”

She sighed. “I’m really happy for you. I know this is what you want.”

“It is.”

“And things are good?”

Spock nodded. “Very much so.”

“We’ll have to have dinner together. The three of us. Soon. And tell him again, I’m sorry?”

“I will tell him.”

“I adore you. Talk soon?”

“Yes, Nyota.” He ended the comm just as he heard Jim turn off the shower. He was singing in a low voice, but loud enough Spock could hear. Spock was surprised at how good Jim sounded.

A moment later, the bathroom door opened and Jim stepped out wearing only a towel around his waist.

“Hey, Spock, did I hear voices?”

“Indeed. I was speaking with Nyota.”

“Is she here?”

“No, Jim. On the comm. She once more wishes to express her regrets and is hopeful we can have dinner together with her in the near future.”

“Hmm. We’ll see.”

He came close to where Spock sat on the edge of the bed giving Spock the opportunity to slide his hand beneath the towel, to rest rather possessively on Jim’s bare ass.

“And did you contact the doctor?”

“Uh-huh. He’s thrilled.”

Spock arched a brow.

Jim grinned. “No. He is. Now he says he doesn’t have to kick your ass or whatever.”

“Does he really believe he is capable of kicking my ass?”

Jim nodded, looking completely serious. “It’s best to let him pretend.” Jim’s gaze dropped, his cheeks reddened. “Can I stay tonight too?”

Spock’s heart leapt with gladness. “Yes. I would like that.”

“Good.”

“And tomorrow night. And the next. And the next,” Spock said. “In fact, if you wish, we can collect your things from the dorm you share with the doctor and move them in here later today.”

Jim stared at him, mouth hanging open. “Uh.”

“A little fast?”

Jim moistened his lips with his tongue. “A little. Yeah.”

“Is it wrong to want you with me?”

“No. Not wrong at all. I want that too.”

“Then will a delay of a week or a month or even six months change things? I will still want to be with you.”

“What if…”

“What, Jim?”

“What if you decide I suck after all?”

Spock shook his head and pulled Jim onto his lap. “Vulcans do not have casual sex partners.”

“I know.”

“You are what I want. Who I want.”

Jim gave him a crooked smile. “Yeah but forever?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a long fucking time.” Then his gaze swooped down again, his face became shadowed. “Or not.”

“What are you thinking, ashayam?”

“About my dad. His forever wasn’t long at all.”

“All the more reason it seems foolish and illogical to waste time avoiding what we both want anyway.”

Jim leaned against him, resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. “I’m scared.”

“I am aware. I want you to go to Vulcan with me.”

Jim drew back and looked at him. “But—”

“I regret hurting you more than I can say when I uninvited you. From now on I will do all I can not to hurt you.”

“I’ve never had a serious relationship with anyone, Spock. Before you, I didn’t even…I guess, I mean, if I’m going to do this with anyone, it should be you. It has to be. You.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Spock’s. “I’m so in love with you.”

Spock began to tremble and he tightened his hold on Jim.

“You okay?” Jim whispered.

“I am very compromised.”

“Is that good?”

Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s jaw so that he could move his face to kiss him. “I never thought I would find this with anyone.”

“Contentment?” Jim smiled.

“Happiness.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “Well, when you talk like that. I'll have to refuse to ever leave your side.”

“And I refuse to ever leave yours." He touched his fingers to Jim's. "My parents will be very pleased to meet you, Jim. We can go at the next semester break, if you are willing.”

“Okay. Sure. And I guess I need to tell Sam once and for all I’m not going to Deneva with him. He’s persistent.”

“I will tell him for you,” Spock said coolly.

“No, sweetheart. You don’t need to intimidate Sam.” Jim looked into Spock’s eyes and grinned. “What?”

“You called me sweetheart.”

“Well. Yeah. Don’t you like it?”

Spock put his hand over Jim’s thundering heart. “I do. I do like it.”

"Then you'll really like this one." Jim cupped Spock's jaw and kissed him, then whispered in Spock's ear.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
